When Skies Are Gray

It's been a trying week for the SVT Team. In our second week of test-driving the new San Francisco / San Jose setup, there are been lots of learnings, trials and tribulations.



Making strides to continually better oneself in the constructs of a relationship does require a constant kind of self-examination and looking under the proverbial emotional "hood". The importance of conducting more mindful discussions around scheduling has surfaced as a topic for betterment, as well as the process of assessing how decisions are made in the relationship.

As a former jetsetter, I've often defaulted with the "well, this might be a game-time decision" reply when it comes to decision management, mainly where less urgent and important decisions, topics and events are involved. A technique developed from years of fine tuning the immediate but non-committal RSVP, a coping mechanism for the young professional with the great luxury of too many invitations. But that was then, when it was just me and the big bad city.

Important decisions obviously take a lot of time and conversation to work through. When it was just me, everything felt so black and white. Yes, I want to sail in this regatta or No, I'm not interested in that party. In a relationship, when it comes to relaying information around events and decisions, it can be easy to feel that there's some shortcoming in how information is delivered, particularly when the reply is "This is new information - why wasn't I told sooner?" When it comes to joint decision-making, how do you make sure that your SO's opinion is clearly heard and considered, and how do you move forward together with a decision?

I don't know much when it comes to this topic but here's what I'm learning:
1. Gather as much information and context on said event/decision as possible.
2. Check joint calendar to forecast any possible conflicts.
3. Consider drafting/mapping out your thoughts and presentation style before proposing a big idea or making the pitch for an event.
4. Remember that your SO is going to have a different decision-making style and set of preferences from you. They will need time to marinate on the thought, and possibly a deadline by which a decision should be made.
5. Remind yourself to be patient with the decision making process. Practice makes perfect (or better, at least).
6. Listen carefully to SO's thoughts on said topic/event/decision. Work through areas of incongruences together.
7. Repeat back what you are hearing as your SO's thoughts on the decision topic.
8. If decision continuity doesn't come together, sleep on it and try Steps 1 -7 again tomorrow.

Communication in relationships is tough. Even when the conversation feels cloudy, it's important to remember to take a deep breath and to see the sunshine that stands before you - wanting to improve the relationship and achieve balance together.